New stuff
My New Toy:
Yes. we have officially bid a farewell, so long and thanks for all the fish to my van... The Shaggin' Wagon II. She was a fine fine vehicle, serving her purpose for many a years, and always being a reliable, fun and safe mode of transportation. But alas, the ol' girls tranny took a turn for he worse. Since the vans towing capabilities are not as needed now as it was when I got 'er, I feel I have outgrown my van phase.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages please give a warm and inviting welcome to Kelly. She is a 2000 Dodge Ram 1500 4-Door Quad Cab with a Magnum V-8. Although not brand new, she is new to me, low miles and super clean. I have never been in a position to get a brand new vehicle but I think Kelly will last a good long while as I will be maintaining her well.
I'll blog an update or two when we install the Nerf Bars... WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The acronym formerly known as T.O.
Totally Owned
Totally Overpaid
Ticked Off
Too Oblivious
Too Opinionated
The Oaf
Totally Overrated
The Ousted
I will add as I find better ones for this loser.
What party will you be voting for in the next election? Things I have noticed while watching media coverage of the recent hurricanes.
1.
Texas: Productive industrious state run by Republicans.
Louisiana: Government dependent welfare state run by Democrats.
2.
Texas: Residents take responsibility to protect and evacuate themselves
Louisiana: Residents wait for government to protect and evacuate them.
3.
Texas: Local and state officials take responsibility for protecting their citizens and property.
Louisiana: Local and state officials blame federal government for not protecting their citizens and property.
4.
Texas: Command and control remains in place to preserve order.
Louisiana: Command and control collapses allowing lawlessness.
5.
Texas: Law enforcement officers remain on duty to protect city.
Louisiana: Law enforcement officers desert their posts to protect themselves.
6.
Texas: Local police watch for looting.
Louisiana: Local police participate in looting.
7.
Texas: Law and order remains in control, 8 looters tried it, 8 looters arrested.
Louisiana: Anarchy and lawlessness breaks out, looters take over city, no arrests, criminals with guns have to be shot by federal troops.
8.
Texas: Considerable damage caused by hurricane.
Louisiana: Considerable damage caused by looters.
9.
Texas: Flood barriers hold preventing cities from flooding.
Louisiana: Flood barriers fail due to lack of maintenance allowing city to flood.
10.
Texas: Orderly evacuation away from threatened areas, few remain.
Louisiana: 25,000 fail to evacuate, are relocated to another flooded area.
11.
Texas: Citizens evacuate with personal 3 day supply of food and water.
Louisiana: Citizens fail to evacuate with 3 day supply of food and water, do without it for the next 4 days.
12.
Texas: FEMA brings in tons of food and water for evacuees. State officials provide accessible distribution points.
Louisiana: FEMA brings in tons of food and water for evacuees. State officials prevent citizens from reaching distribution points and vice versa.
13.
Louisiana: Media focuses on poor blacks in need of assistance, blames Bush.
Texas: Media can’t find poor blacks in need of assistance, looking for something else to blame on Bush.
14.
Texas: Coastal cities suffer some infrastructure damage, Mayors tell residents to stay away until ready for repopulation, no interference from federal officials.
Louisiana: New Orleans is destroyed, Mayor asks residents to return home as another hurricane approaches, has to be overruled by federal officials.
15.
Louisiana: Over 400 killed by storm, flooding and crime.
Texas: 24 killed in bus accident on highway during evacuation, no storm related deaths.
16.
Texas: Jailed prisoners are relocated to other detention facilities outside the storm area.
Louisiana: Jailed prisoners are set free to prey on city shops, residents, and homes.
17.
Texas: Local and state officials work with FEMA and Red Cross in recovery operations.
Louisiana: Local and state officials obstruct FEMA and Red Cross from aiding in recovery operations.
18.
Texas: Local and state officials demonstrate leadership in managing disaster areas.
Louisiana: Local and state officials fail to demonstrate leadership, require federal government to manage disaster areas.
19.
Texas: Fuel deliveries can't keep up with demand, some run out of gas on highway, need help from fuel tankers before storm arrives.
Louisiana: Motorists wait till storm hits and electrical power fails. Cars run out of gas at gas stations that can‘t pump gas. Gas in underground tanks mixes with flood waters.
20.
Texas: Mayors move citizens out of danger.
Louisiana: Mayor moves himself and family to Dallas.
21.
Texas: Mayors continue public service announcements and updates on television with Governor's backing and support.
Louisiana: Mayor cusses, governor cries, senator threaens president with violence on television, none of them have a clue what went wrong or who‘s responsible.
22.
Louisiana: Democratic Senator says FEMA was slow in responding to 911 calls from Louisiana citizens.
Texas: Republican Senator says "when you call 911, the phone doesn't ring in Washington, it rings here at the local responders".
What if state and local elected officials were forced to depend on themselves and their own resources instead of calling for help from the federal government? Texas cities would be back up and running in a few days. Louisiana cities would still be under water next month.
Tom Benson is a slime ball.
I wanted to sit here and rant about Tom Benson and why I think he is what is wrong with America today, but, to my surprise, someone said that already... Go Figure!!!
This is a great article on the subject I found at
http://www.louisianaweekly.com/weekly/news/articlegate.pl?20050523d Than you for getting it right Mr. Lewis.
A sin and a shame
By Edmund W. Lewis, Editor
May 23, 2005
One of my earliest memories of my pops is of him throwing down his favorite cap in disgust and stomping through the house week after week as his beloved New Orleans Saints tortured him and tens of thousands of other poor souls with mind-boggling come-from-ahead losses. Long before I understood the rudiments of football americano, I knew that the Saints weren't worth a damn.
Still, against all odds and logic, I came to develop a fondness for the poor, bumbling underdogs. God help me, I still can't tell you why to save my soul. Guess it's like my old grandmother use to say, "You can't explain, what you can't explain."
Over the past four decades, supporting the Saints has been a lot like rooting for Charlie Brown even though everyone knew Lucy would never let Chuck's foot get anywhere near the football she encouraged him repeatedly to kick before pulling it away.
Despite the legacy of bitter disappointment and heartache, there is not a group of fans in professional sports that has been so loyal and gotten so little in return.
Saints fans have endured "Big Ben" finishes by the hated Atlanta Falcons, merciless whuppings at the hands of the once-dominant San Francisco 49ers and Lord-knows-how-many coulda-shoulda-woulda games in the Superdome. We've endured watching former Saints coach Mike Ditka giving obscene hand gestures to fans and running back Ricky Williams turning his back on the team. We've watched with frustration as former Saints QB Bobby Hebert ran around the Superdome doing his airplane imitation and the team pin its hopes on the likes of Kenny "Snake" Stabler and a banged-up Earl Campbell.
This is the same group of fans that was pelted with snowballs by Chicago Bears fans in the playoffs and watched Big Bad Bum Phillips struggle to make a first down against some of the NFL's worst defenses.
As long as there was any time left on the clock, there was always a chance for opposing teams to find a way to beat the Saints. No lead has been large enough to allow Saints fans to actually enjoy a victory. Nothing but nail-biting and teeth-grinding to the very end.
Any self-respecting human being would have walked away from the New Orleans Saints and their rotten luck a long time ago.
Saints owner Tom Benson has chosen to reward that loyalty by issuing ultimatums to the state and threatening to move the team to another city. He's been upset for a while about not getting a new stadium and not making as many millions as a handful of his NFL peers. He's gotten richer, just not rich enough for his liking.
When it's all said and done and there's nothing left to say and do, it all comes down to ego and greed. Benson sees a golden opportunity to make more money. Point blank. Never mind that the city's schools are crumbling and the state's teachers are sorely deserving of a pay raise. Never mind that the team has done very little to inspire the kind of financial support its owner is demanding. Never mind that the Saints have won only a single playoff game in nearly four decades of play in the National Football League. Mr. Benson wants what he wants.
The people of this great state made it crystal clear recently that they are in no giving mood. A recent poll conducted by a Florida-based research firm concluded that nearly 75 percent of Louisiana residents are opposed to using tax dollars to keep the Saints in New Orleans.
Adding insult to injury, Benson has hinted about moving the team to San Antonio, Albuquerque or Los Angeles, going so far as to suggest that at least one suitor would be willing to shell out more than $1 billion to buy the ailing franchise. You would expect a multimillionaire to be a little more subtle.
Even die-hard fans had to chuckle at the ridiculous notion that anyone in their right mind would cough up that kind of moula to buy the Saints. They are, after all, the Saints.
In case Mr. Benson still doesn't get it, we're tired. Tired of boneheaded draft-day decisions and front-office mistakes that give away the team's best players for a handful of magic beans. Tired of the franchise signing geriatric players to save a few bucks. Tired of filing into the Superdome to watch the Saints make some of the league's worst teams look like superstars. Tired of having to wear bags over our heads out of shame for loving a team that, for the most part, has done very little over the years to earn that kind of devotion. Tired of robbin' Peter to pay Paul in order to afford rising ticket prices. Tired of watching Tom Benson boogie all the way to the bank, year after miserable year, while pretending that the team doesn't turn a major profit each year.
If Tom Benson feels he must go, let the Superdome's door knob hit him where the dog should've bit him.
Saints fans deserve better from both the team and its owner.
Gotta Love Fantasy Football Smack Talk
This is just a cute bit o smack talk in a fantasy football league we have at work. It is mostly inside jokes and will of course make no sence to anyone else but me and my league, but it is fun to karoke to the Charlie Daniels tune.
Holy Rollers vs The Raceland Sharks
The Sharks came to the Rollers
They were looking for a team to beat
Not much more than a fish out of water
And planning on how to cheat
Then they came across this fantasy team
Full of players thats scoring em lots
Then he quoted Pulp Fiction on the leagues web site
And started Gus Freotte
Of course you already know it
I'm a fantasy football team too
Although Im scared I will lose I swear
I'll make a bet with you
Now the Rollers are a pretty good team
But give the Sharks some props
I'll bet a 2-liter that's cold against the Rollers
Cuz its you I'm gonna drop
Response was WERE THE ROLLERS!!!
The Sharks suck dont you know
Well take that bet, youre gonna regret
We're gonna drown you little Nemo!!!
Rollers starting Roethlisberger playing really hard
The Sharks with San Diego's D probably wont go far
When the Rollers win they get a 2-Liter of Pepsi that is cold
But if they lose the Sharks want a Diet Coke
The Sharks on the first possession
Said I will start the day
They fumbled and they bumbled
Looking like they would pay
The owner jumped and shouted
And cried and was remiss
His day went to hell his team did suck
And it looked something like this
(Imagine a train wreck? nuff said)
On the next possession The Rollers said
Man your team sucks, son?
Wont you go chill my Pepsi and
Let me show you how its done?
Indy's defense making 'em run
Got big Ben throwing to Antwaan (Randell El)
Conwell and Witten on the tight ends
Carney with the field goals, I hope the Saints win.
(fiddle solo....... try the shark, it's tasty)
At the beginning of this game
The Sharks knew that they were beat
Kurt now lays that cold Pepsi
On the ground at Bigums feet
Raceland Sharks won't you come on back
If you ever wanna try it twice?
To beat your butts again and again
Would be just as nice
Indy's defense making em run
Got big Ben throwing to Antwaan (Randell El)
Conwell and Witten on the tight ends
Carney with the field goals, I hope the Saints win.
Another dumb list
As 'dumb' as we all say these things are, we sure do all stop to read em. Even if you have read it a million times. Heck, I just thought this one was funny and philosophical all at the same time.
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is awhack?
6. Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the samething?
7. Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the samething?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is"after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can youread all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean whenwe use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of thebottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
Another Good Performer Bites It
Still lamenting the passing of the artist formerly known as Darius Rucker into "sell out and look like a moron land", I again happened across another 'artist' I formerly admired for very excellent work. When ol' Gewn's new musick came out a few months ago, a deep fear and bone chilling despair ravaged my heart.
What had happened to this once awesome lead singer of No Doubt, one of the most fun and most talented rock bands ever amongst an entire sea of really horrible music and crappy sparkle and fade bands that littered the scene in the 90's? Everything No Doubt put out was awesome. It was fun and it was, something most bands lack, good. Sure, Stefani was this female lead singer that the record industry would eventually turn into the pop whore she has become, but I thought she was different. She (along with No Doubt) seemed to have the talent and ability to do something better than the other crap out there. But, alas, my hopes for Gwen not to pull a Hootie were smashed to bits on Letterman the other night.
I know I complain about crappy music alot, but just how stupid has this society gotten? After the recording for 'Hollaback Girl' was in the can to be released, did Gwen and the rest of the morons turning knobs on that track really sit back and feel that they just laid down tracks to the next big song? Were they proud of the 'music' they had just recorded? Were they actually pleased with the sound of that horrible, vile, moronic, stupid, vomit inducing, stomach turning, just plain bad song? THEY WERE??? Then what drugs were they on?
There is just no excuse for something to sound this bad and to then be released. That means some big wig at a huge record company thought it would be a good idea to release 'that B-A-N-A-N-A song'. Man I need that job. Putting the 'OK' on crap all day and making a ton of money off of it sounds like a plan.
So Gwen, once talented rock queen, has taken the easy way of pop whoredom... er I mean stardom just as her counterparts X-tina, Brittany, J-Lo, Paris, Nichole, Lindsey, and a plethora of other talentless icons that offer nothing to the world except the ability to show how skank they can be. Way to go ya'll. Thanks for selling out and telling all the impressionable kids out there how cool it is to be a slut.
You know, it's bad enough to have to listen to bad music like The Vines, The White Stripes, The Killers, and all that garbage while big corporation sits back and proudly pushes them as the greatest thing rock has ever seen. I am ashamed for the human race that this idiotic entertainment flourisihes. There are aliens laughing at us right now because their favorite reality show called 'Earth' is one big joke.
(Wow... All of that from a crappy song huh? Well songs, actually. I think I really just wanted to say, that song sucks.)
TOP 10 SIGNS YOU ARE AN INTERNET GEEK
(10) When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address.
(9) You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is "Hi, what's your URL?"
(8) Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.
(7) You're amazed to find out Spam is a food.
(6) You "ping" people to see if they're awake, "finger" them to find out how they are, and "AYT" them to make sure they're listening to you.
(5) You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.
(4) You introduce your wife as "my_lady@home.wife" and refer to your children as "client applications."
(3) At social functions you introduce your husband as "my domain server."
(2) After winning the office Super Bowl pool, you blurt out, "I feel so Colon-Right-Parentheses!"
.....And the No. 1 sign you are an Internet Geek:
(1) Two words: "Pizza's here."
1 John 4:19-21 (NIV)
This is for anyone out there who has to deal with people who are two faced. Some people just don't get it.
19We love because he first loved us. 20If anyone says, “I love God,” yet
hates his brother, he is
A LIAR. For anyone who
does not love his brother, whom he has seen,
cannot love God, whom he has not seen. 21And he has given us this command:
Whoever loves God must also love his brother.
How to Write Good (adapted, with editions, from the Beacon, Boston's monthly Mensa newsletter, ca.1982)
I think this ranks up there with some of the funniest stuff I have ever read. If you absolutly have to know just what in the heck something means... please Google it. Here we go. How to write good:
1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat).
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren't necessary.
9. One should never generalize.
10. Foreign words and phrases are not a propos.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary. It's highly superfluous.
14. Profanity sucks.
15. Be more or less specific.
16. Understatement is always best.
17. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
18. One word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
21. Adingl "ly" to words can be overly done. Use sparingly.
22. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
23. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
24. The period. An often overused puntuation mark. Should never be used in place of commas. Obviously.
25. Logograms aren't worth a $.
26. Anadiplosis is unnecessary--unnecessary and affected.
27. The argument concerning logomachy continues.
28. Cleave to logodaedaly, and you cleave yourself from clarity.
29. The use of anacoluthon should be eschewed, as she ain't too subtle.
30. You can't be too amphibolous.
31. Why be captious when quiddity will serve?
32. Palinodes should never--no, forget that, I take it back.
33. Don't never use double negatives.
34. Don't spoose unerisms.
35. Remember that humor is nothing to be laughed at.
36. There are exceptions to every rule, except this one.
37. The true fact is that pleonasms aren't good, as you can see with your own eyes.
38. Neophytes who are just starting and beginners should watch out for tautologies.
39. Neologisms are absolutely gronky.
40. It doesn't make sense to use alogisms, and your nose will fall off.
41. Who needs rhetorical questions?
42. Don't verbify nouns.
EMO EMO EMO
Okay, let me just start this rant with the bottom line: Emo sucks.
Let me elaborate for those who aren't already sitting at their computers screaming, "Yes, Tod, it does! And thank you for noticing, you postmodern cultural anthropologist/pathologist, you!"
I know Emo. I don't like Emo. I wish Emo, whether animal, vegetable or mineral, would just crawl, grow, or disintegrate away. I am sure, like any other stupid, pointless, ridiculous trend it will with time. But if there is anything I can do to expedite that process, help me Lord, help me.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Emo:
First, we will tackle the female of this species, although, admittedly, it is near impossible to tell the difference most times. Emo "girls" are usually Goth/punk transplants whose boyfriends went Emo and they switched sides, too, or who read in some issue of Seventeen magazine that Goth died before it was unborn and punk died before any of the impressionable girls who think they understand it were born. These are nasty customers, folks. Maintain a realistically safe distance.
Many have haircuts that resemble traditional male chop-jobs. Short. If not short, usually at least looks-like-they-stuck-their-finger-in-a-lightsocket hair. Brown or black in color, almost always. Terrible dye jobs. Lots of wax and anything else that will make the hair appear to be ungodly filthy.
Most thought they were "punk" at some point, and so carry with them scars from the battles of being eighteen and still mad at Mom and Dad for not buying them the Barbie Ferrari when they were seven. Piercings, probably in places you would not want to touch on them, ever. And they have tattoos. Really pointless ones, too. They most likely have suns and moon and stars inked from their neighborhood my-first-tattoo-parlor-experience that are now turned into unrecognizable crap they swear has deep, painful inner meaning. They wear boys' clothes. Soccer T-shirts. Truck stop T-shirts. Save Jesus T-shirts. Anything procured from a nearby thrift store that is tight. Big, ugly janitor pants. You know, Dickies. Or jeans no one looks good in. Anything that Grandma would have begged you not to wear. And the clincher: Big brass belt buckles. Huge. Procured from thrift stores, Grandpa's junk drawer, swap meets, but most likely from their Emo boyfriends. If only they were culturally wise enough to realize the root family of these belt buckles, usually Southern, white, racist cowboy types who dip and go "coon" hunting and would beat them blind. Some buckles are procured from the daily search on e-bay with the keyword 'emo'. This must never be reveiled to a fellow emo-ian though. And the best part: the ugliest glasses you have ever seen on anyone. Cat-eye, or just a horrible plastic black type even Weezer wouldn't write a song about. Usually nonprescription.
The male of the species is a more recognizable and more popular target, although in the opinion of this researcher, just as obnoxious as the female counterpart. Belt buckles, yes. Stupid haircuts, dye jobs, expensive hair products, yes. Old moth-eaten wool sweaters over holey button down oxford shirts. Stupid glasses. All reminiscent of female Emo.
Actually, the only real difference between female Emos and male Emos is behavioral. Female Emos behave like adolescent boys. They curse, spit, throw rocks at cats, and even walk like they have a full dipear. Male Emos "emote." That's it. They react to everything. If they're not screaming at an innocent kid for listening to Kid Rock at Wal-Mart, they're crying along with their friends to a drone of a single bass chord over and over and over again.
One is not allowed to interrupt their crying fits, or, alternately, their head-bopping fits during a music performance they call a "show," usually held in a friend of a friend's basement or tiny coffeehouse. Do not panic if they are all lying motionless on the floor when you enter such an event. This is not a mass Emo-suicide occurring. This is supposedly normal "show" behavior.
But, as in bipolar illness, there is the manic side to this show behavior. Just as easily as you would walk in to find them lying on the floor, playing dead, you could also find them jerking their heads (head-banging is passe, kids) along to decibels above and beyond any jet engine flying right above your head. Schizophrenia is the norm in this culture.
The males usually display a tattoo (or ten) that plagiarizes some album cover of some unknown Indie band, with some form of transportation on it, i.e.: a ship, train, plane, etc. which in fact roots from their seventies' predecessors drawing "Kiss Rocks!" on their closet door. Most own LPs and no turntable. In fact, most were too young to have ever owned a real turntable.
And the seemingly least noticed trait of this species: the music. Firstly, the music is supposedly their raison d'être. Being snobby to a fellow Emo-Ian because he/she/it has not yet procured a super rare import copy of the latest three word band's LP from Iceland is old hat. Just like in the good old days of "grunge," the less people who have even heard of a band, the cooler the band is. The ruder and more sniveling, whiny, pious and pathetic a band is, especially to the unfortunate journalists who take an interest in them, the more legit they are. Sound familiar, Nirvana fans?
Once again, the bottom line turns to the widely known fact: Nothing is new under the sun. Here's a scary reality check for the Emo kids:
Fact: James Taylor, in fact, was quite popular for his "emo"tionally driven music in the seventies and many a man in the seventies suffered emasculating effects as a result...
Reality: Carly Simon, Fleetwood Mac, Carole King and Cat Stevens are also considered emotionally driven music
Fact: Tattoos are forever, unless you get rich and like lasers and dermatologist offices...
Reality: You will never make that much money
Fact: Supermodels and half-witted actors wear nonprescription glasses to appear intelligent...
Reality: Rico Suave wore glasses, too
Fact: Emo is really just lazy punk...
Reality: Punk, my friends, is dead. ....ANNNNND SCENE
Obituary for Mr. Sense
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense. Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).
His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place: Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition! Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two step brothers; My Rights and I'm a Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
Say it ain't so, Hootie.
Seriously folks, the only thing worse or dumber than reality shows today, are fast food commercials. Not that these 40 second gems were ever considered to be thought inspiring poetry or anything, but you have to wonder just what those advertising people were high on when coming up with concepts for these enormous amount of stupidity.
Is there some secret think tank in the seedy advertising underworld that has stacks and stacks of psychological exams on humans (or worse, monkeys) that results in the perfect combination of music to color to shapes to action that will make a person respond in a desired way? If these papers do exist, I want to know how they could have gotten it so wrong.
Even worse, what genius at the billion dollar a year corporation OK'ed these down right idiotic and sometimes creepy spots? I used to despise Rally's just on account of the 'jingle' in the commercial. I try to imagine the poor guy writing it and how elated he was when he was done and holding the recorded media of the Rally's theme song. When that's as bad as it was, it was pretty OK. I can live without Rally's. (Yes over a song I would boycott Rally's)
Then I guess McDonalds felt left out and probably hired the same guy to write their jingle... that top ten smash... I'M LOVIN' IT!!!. What this all boils down to is that bad music, in ANY form bothers me. It was all just a funny little bit where we would joke about how crappy a fast food jingle was and that was it. All that would soon change, in the last place I ever thought I would see it happen at.
http://slate.msn.com/id/2107697/This guy wakes up from a dead cold sleep to find this creepy and enormously headed king staring over his face. The king is pushing a breakfast sandwich on him. The poor guy is too scared to scream, too shocked to move a muscle. The smile on the huge fake head of the king either says, "Try our new delicious breakfast." or "I have just eaten your children, your dog, and your wife. I am having you for desert." That's the day Burger King introduced terror to my heart.
The latest and worst attempt to pander to me to try a new burger at BK consist of a total assault on the senses.
http://www.boardsmag.com/screeningroom/commercials/1580/ I have absolutely nothing here. Beside the fact that it is the dumbest thing that I have ever see on TV, (and I have seen Cop Rock), it down right scares me. The thing with the skanky chicks with stupid hair is bad enough, but HOOTIE? Come on Darrius!!! Are times that hard that you have to stoop to this lower level of your talent? Are you the same guy that was with Hootie doing Fairweather Johnson a few years ago??? Remember Tucker's Town? When Hootie went 'out of style' after Fairweather Johnson, I understood it was because the music was too deep. It was too 'soul' for the pop audience from the first album. It was too deep for weaker minded people to handle. But I had no idea that a guy I admired for thought provoking music needed a job this bad.
Ol’ big head is there too pushing some other scary looking skank on a swing. There's this twin thing happening dancing the Ashley Simpson while sloshing buttermilk and sucking their fingers. Another skank picking burgers from a tree. There's a street paved with cheese and something about a place where lottery tickets all win. It just goes on and on with the skank whore imagry, the innuendo in the lyrics, ("The brests they grow on trees" and the "caboose" line... really brilliant), and this is all so painful to think of.
Now before I go ball up in a corner and cry while holding my knees to my chin and sweating profusely... I want answers. What corporate BK fat cat OK'ed this garbage and where can I submit my ideas. What is the advertising firm responsible for this mistake, how much are they being overpaid, who came up with this concept, and just how much dope do they smoke? If that marketing campaign flew with the big wigs, than being a pot head must be the only criteria for the job.
And finally, Why Hootie Why?
I'm going play Fairweather Johnson and remember a happier time.
HeadToChrist.com
Before I got saved, I was really worried about the 'music on that side'. If I were to become a Christian, the music would be drab and I would never be able to play the same again. Well, I was only half right there.I was wrong about the drab music. I immediately found www.christianrockradio.com . The local Christian contemporary radio station is ok, but I always played hard rock and metal. Christianrockradio.com and LifeSongs (www.lifesongs.com) introduced me to bands I had already dug (Chevelle, POD, etc.) and alot that I didn't know (Skillet, Audio Adrenalin, Kutless, Big Daddy Weave, etc.)I was right about never being able to play the same ever again. Now, instead of searching for salvation in music, I am able to use my God givin talent to worship the one that gave it. The joy and peace I searched for so long in the bars was never there. The money, drugs and earthly desires were there, but nothing that could satisfy. Now, playing with a different reason, the express intent of soley worshiping the Lord is my purpose for playing. So I do play differently. I play better knowing that I am worshiping and showing the love of Christ. I only hope to use it to help someone that is lost and seeking as I was.Back in the day there was (and still actually is) a band called LeRoux (www.laleroux.com). I have always dug their music and still collect memorabilia from their heyday. The original lead singer from the group was Jeff Pollard. He left the band in the early 80's when he committed his life to Jesus Christ. Since then he's become a well respected minister and has written tracks and other things. He also recorded a Christian rock album with Kenny Livgren from Kansas who was also saved by grace around the same time and his friend Jeff. I mention this about Mr. Pollard because he was someone I admired (and of course still do) in my early Christian walk. I went from wondering how someone could give up the rock and roll life for church, to understanding the world and Satan's lies. He showed me how morals and priorities are more important that earthly desires.Now my point of this entire diatribe is this. www.headtochrist.comMan I used to love me some KoRn. They were the hardest and best music to me before I was saved. But as my morals in life change with Christianity, I came to dislike the message in their music and that of other bands music. The music was amazing but the message killed it all for me. I don't think any of them are totally bad people, but I cannot condone the negativity I used to thrive on and worship. I remarked to the drummer in our band at church this past Sunday that I would listen to Korn all day if it were not for the lyrics.Well the Christian rock scene just got another member heavier since KoRn's guitarist Brian Head Welch got saved. I know God will use him to reach the lost like no one else. And I can't wait to hear the awesome music to come from him and his new purpose for playing.Congrats and welcome to ya there Head. And thank you God for showing someone else out there exactly what the truth is.Here's a few cool links I found about Head.http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/people_welchhttp://chasingthewind.net/?p=654 (check out the 2 mp3 files from his talk at his church in Southern Cali.)http://www.vbf.org/ Valley Bible Fellowship - Head's Church - His testimony in audio and videohttp://www.cbn.com/entertainment/music/jej_korn_meets_christ.asp
And so it is.
A total of 5 doctors. Not one can help. The final conclusion... I am in too bad of a shape to operate on. And this stupid blog becomes my shrink. My cry out to the world for attention that no one reads. How pathetic is that?
Seminar on the 22nd at Oshners for the gastric bypass is scheduled. I know the insurance does not allow it so I'm looking to a bank loan. It's a million to one shot that that will ever happen but to quote Han Solo: "Don't EVER tell me the odds." (OMG he's a Star Wars nerd too)
I'm trying to put off this dying thing for as long as possible. It's not looking good for the home team.
Wondering...
I'm trying to figure out things right now. Lately the big problem has been this wound from the spider bite I got almost two years ago. I am living out some pretty agonizing pain right now, and there isn't a doctor that I have met yet that gives a damn enough to help me. The family doctor is a nutball, wanting me to crush up pills and stuff it in there. How bout I just do a little voodoo dance and click some chicken bones together also.
Then the surgeon that I found, with no thanks to my regular doctor, agrees to do it. Finally this will all be over. Then this guy cancels the surgery because he won't deal with the insurance. "I won't deal with the insurance dictating to me how to do my job". Just tell me what you really think, ok. You are too good to waste your time on a big, fat, no good waste of space that will be dying soon anyways. Thanks alot doc.
Then jolly ol' insurance that I call myself, since the doctor has had enough of dealing with them. I cannot even talk to these people, the doctor need to talk to their medical director (not their board approver Medical DOCTOR, mind you) and file an appeal. There is nothing I can do.
No wait... there is one thing I can do. I can continue to cry out in the same and worse pain I have been in for 2 weeks trying to find a doctor to help. I just want to know what it is they want from me. I will do anything short of killing someone to make this feel better. This hurts my life more than it hurts my body. It is hurting my job, my school, my wife with her catering to me to deal with this, my depression, everything.
Worst of all, it makes me think too much. It only hurts more when I start trying to decipher why they wont help. Then it stems to other things in my life. See, they think that I am not worth helping in this just like people think I am not going to get anywhere with school and my career. So many people are writing me off as a loser because of the way I look. The doctors and the insurance have been doing the same thing to me for the gastric bypass surgery. ALL I NEED IS FOR ONE PERSON TO STEP UP AND GIVE ME A CHANCE.
Fix my leg. Give me the surgery. WHATEVER. There is only one of two ways this will all turn out.... I will make it out alive, or I will die. If it kills me, alot of people are gonna feel the pride of being right in their opinion of me. They will smile while saying, "I told you so". But I will fight these dark forces against me till that happens. And when this is all said and done, and I actually have a life to live and I'm successful at it, I will surprise alot of people.
Tomorrow at 10:30 I get to go see another surgeon. Hopefully this guy knows what he's doing and give half a care about me.
Did you ever...?
Did you ever get tired of the hype? One of the worst things for a person's mental health is hype. It can do one of two things to you.
One I call the heroin effect. You always need more and you buy into the hype deeper and deeper everytime you get a chance to fix. All of a sudden you are eyeballs deep in a vat of pop culture excriment and you are succumed to the world and it's sinful pleasures. This effect is usually displayed by the very weakminded that are results of having been raised by a television. Hype is a stimulus that holds an unbelieveable amount of negative influence to a person that is either crying out for nurturing and attention, or simply to a child that wants to learn. Most of the time what, pop culture has to teach is the first and only thing that child will learn. When they learn the world's defination of life first, it is alot harder to let them know what the truth is later.
The second way hype can effect (or infect) you goes this way. It can make you the most bitter, cynical, miserable person in the world. Guess which one I turned out to be.
I hope beyond hope that somday I will be past this stage of being so hurt by the world and the pop around me. I realize good and well that my problem, the thing that causes the emptyness in me, is that I cannot change the unchangable world around me. That's not to say I stop trying to make a dent, but I feel painfully inadiquite that I cannot fix the whole thing. Hype has left me hating it and sullen in that I cannot stop it all.
When I was in the world, I lived for the hype. Everything from the pot to the porn was extreme in my life. It took almost losing my family, my life, and everything to see that nothing in the rhelm of worldly pleasures will ever satisfy. EVER. So I turned my life from the junk and I stopped disobeying the whole false idol commandment.
For a while I was much worse in my cynical stage. Dawn would tell you I'm still the same. Really what it boils down to is that the hype in the world today sickens me. Everything is hyped to sell. Wether it's a product, an adgenda, or hype it's self. Example: You couldn't watch one thing Superbowl week this year without hearing a mention of a wordrobe malfunction. There is constant fallout from that STAGED publicity stunt that will haunt us forever... all in thanks to the hype.
This morning I heard on the news about Superbowl Commercial Payoffs. It was about what commercials did the best promotion for its company. The absolutly sickest ad was by GoDaddy. I used to go to them to buy EVERY domain name I needed. Their commercial got me so angry. I thought this year would be different and not focus on sex to sell products. Well, it seems that GoDaddy's sales have increades by 40% since the softcore porn commercial. WHAT DOES SEX HAVE TO DO WITH DOMAIN NAMES AND HOSTING???
I just wish man would understand... porn does not satisfy, drugs do not satisfy, alcohol does not satisfy and this imaginary world of no rules and the attitude of 'live for the moment' created and hyped by the pop culture, the media, and Paris and her ilk will not satisfy. You see, with all these things, there is nothing to look forward to except for that next fix. In Christ there is a reason.
More reality for ya....
A few weeks ago I was in one of my moods and I posted a rant about The Decline of Civilization through reality TV. Well right now I have another personality that would like to add something to that:
Despite all the things I said about sheep, and the Church of Reality TV (I know, I'm too dramatic), I think the one of the greatest things on the tube today is Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. I serious feel that this show is a glimmer of hope in a media obsessed culture. This show is all about helping our brothers and sisters in need. It's about unselfish giving, and help.
Imagine hundreds of people banding together and using their God given talents to help someone in need. To try to help ease the pain of another. It's really beautiful. I am a big guy, and I am not afraid to say that I tear up watching it sometimes. If you don't tear up watching this show, you are either a robot or a Vulcan. (I know, I know... Spock cried once... I'm not a Trek nerd man, I'm just making a comparison.)
Also, it is the only show I have seen recently that acknowledges God at all. Families being helped are hitting their knees and crying out and giving God thanks for the blessings. I saw a boy one time on one of the shows, he was maybe 14 or so. When Ty and the crew got them outside to surprise them, he immediantly hit his knees. Not is a fit of hysteric crying, but in a humble manner, knowing that God was doing a work and sending a blessing. The brothers and sisters then gathered around him and knelt in the same manner and they prayed aloud in Jesus name. You see, THEY GOT IT. They knew good and well they were seeing God's hand and witnessing a miracle.
Which brings me to my point... Having a show such as this, is pretty much a miracle. Someone that's trying to do right is so inundated with the task of blocking out the bad that it is easy to miss the good. Even I get so hung up with trying to avoid what's wrong that I end up just ranting about the bad and never mentioning the good. But, I'm really working on that.
So, watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, the people are nice, and they help others. It's on Sunday nights and Football season is over, so I don't want to hear any excuses. And grab the Kleenex too. You just might need it.
Living as Children of Light
In lew of a rant that would not please God one little bit, I will let his word say what I feel.
Ephesians 4
17With the Lord's authority let me say this: Live no longer as the ungodly do, for they are hopelessly confused. 18Their closed minds are full of darkness; they are far away from the life of God because they have shut their minds and hardened their hearts against him. 19They don't care anymore about right and wrong, and they have given themselves over to immoral ways. Their lives are filled with all kinds of impurity and greed.
20But that isn't what you were taught when you learned about Christ. 21Since you have heard all about him and have learned the truth that is in Jesus, 22throw off your old evil nature and your former way of life, which is rotten through and through, full of lust and deception. 23Instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes. 24You must display a new nature because you are a new person, created in God's likeness--righteous, holy, and true.
25So put away all falsehood and "tell your neighbor the truth" because we belong to each other. 26And "don't sin by letting anger gain control over you." Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil.
28If you are a thief, stop stealing. Begin using your hands for honest work, and then give generously to others in need. 29Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
30And do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he is the one who has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.
31Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. 32Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Gosh Dar-Diddilly-Arn to Heck
Don't you just hate being half right???
Seems that my prognostication was turned 180 degrees on me. It was New England who ended up winning by three points... JUST AS THEY ALWAYS DO!!! Before I take it out on them, I'll first blame the person who is really responsible: Donovan 'Chunky Soup be Good' Mcnabb.
Sorry but that performance was pitiful. Where was the first down scramble? Where was Donnie's run? He let the Pats shut him down. Many a times Mcnabb had alot of time to chuck the rock and someone to throw it too. If not, I didn't see him run for it once.
Now I also have to take back everything I said about T.O.!!! He played his butt off man.
And finally, if I hear one more 'media' person say "dynasty" or compare the Patriots to the 49ers with Montana and Rice in the 80's, I'm gonna freak. Even worse, they were comparing Bilicheck to Vince Lambardi? The dynasty of the San Francisco 49ers in the 80's crushed all others into oblivion (too dramatic? I can never tell). They didn't win most of their games by three points.
Anyways, what I saw today was a great quaterback buckle. The first quarter told me it was to be a low scoring defensive game. The Eagles should not have put themselves in the position of having to try to win out of desperation.
OK I have vented. Better luck next time Philly... or whoever plays New England again.
Paul McCartney is the man. Didn't think I would ever see another tasteful halftime show unless they went back to having 'Up With People' doing a tribute to the greatest hemisphere in the world... The Northern Hemisphere!!!
I hope the Saints don't stink again next year.
todAnthony
