Wondering...
I'm trying to figure out things right now. Lately the big problem has been this wound from the spider bite I got almost two years ago. I am living out some pretty agonizing pain right now, and there isn't a doctor that I have met yet that gives a damn enough to help me. The family doctor is a nutball, wanting me to crush up pills and stuff it in there. How bout I just do a little voodoo dance and click some chicken bones together also.Then the surgeon that I found, with no thanks to my regular doctor, agrees to do it. Finally this will all be over. Then this guy cancels the surgery because he won't deal with the insurance. "I won't deal with the insurance dictating to me how to do my job". Just tell me what you really think, ok. You are too good to waste your time on a big, fat, no good waste of space that will be dying soon anyways. Thanks alot doc.
Then jolly ol' insurance that I call myself, since the doctor has had enough of dealing with them. I cannot even talk to these people, the doctor need to talk to their medical director (not their board approver Medical DOCTOR, mind you) and file an appeal. There is nothing I can do.
No wait... there is one thing I can do. I can continue to cry out in the same and worse pain I have been in for 2 weeks trying to find a doctor to help. I just want to know what it is they want from me. I will do anything short of killing someone to make this feel better. This hurts my life more than it hurts my body. It is hurting my job, my school, my wife with her catering to me to deal with this, my depression, everything.
Worst of all, it makes me think too much. It only hurts more when I start trying to decipher why they wont help. Then it stems to other things in my life. See, they think that I am not worth helping in this just like people think I am not going to get anywhere with school and my career. So many people are writing me off as a loser because of the way I look. The doctors and the insurance have been doing the same thing to me for the gastric bypass surgery. ALL I NEED IS FOR ONE PERSON TO STEP UP AND GIVE ME A CHANCE.
Fix my leg. Give me the surgery. WHATEVER. There is only one of two ways this will all turn out.... I will make it out alive, or I will die. If it kills me, alot of people are gonna feel the pride of being right in their opinion of me. They will smile while saying, "I told you so". But I will fight these dark forces against me till that happens. And when this is all said and done, and I actually have a life to live and I'm successful at it, I will surprise alot of people.
Tomorrow at 10:30 I get to go see another surgeon. Hopefully this guy knows what he's doing and give half a care about me.
posted by todAnthony @ 7:12 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home